i have not touched this in a while... life seems to be spirally crazily. we did have to go back to the GP for another antibiotic. the first one just did not do anything towards killing off whatever settled in his chest. the second one is killer strong, and has to be done 4 times a day. much as he hates me waking him up in the morn before i leave with a pill in my hand, that is the only way they are really going to work. we have been doing the 4 times a day routine for 14 days now. 3 more days left after today, and we complete the 18 days... this one seems to be doing the job. i pray.
we did go to see the urologist. he told us the growth was a cyst after he did a ultrasound in the office. said that it could not be causing the blood to be showing up. straight up told virg that years of smoking and vietnam both put him at high risk for bladder cancer, and frequently the only sign is unexplained blood in the urine. we go back on the 16th of this month, and he is doing a procedure in the office that will give us the answer. another game of waiting. i should be pro at this by now. i will never get used to it. the more time between, the more he worries. the more he worries, the more nightmares come. ugly cycle.
we have been back to the cardiologist after having the repeat muga. informed that the heart, with the new therapies that are being done have increased the heart output to just above the "auto level for a defib"... someone upstairs is liking us right now... i have a feeling his mama is chewing on the Greater Power's ear... and i am feeling sorry for the Greater Power... cause she normally got her way. he is thrilled, cause he was agreeing to it for me... i did not know that till they said he did not need it now. he admitted he really does not want it. i will never force him to do something that he does not want. they doubled up on another drug, digoxin. he thinks i am being a major worrywart cause i am making him take his pulse every time again before he takes it. there are so many times i wish i did not know what i know. main action of slowing and strengthening can quickly flip into wayyyyyyy too slow.... so he is humoring me. once we pull another dig level blood work in 2 more weeks, and i don't see changes, i will relax.
we did go to see the new pulmonologist today. sad to have to walk away from the last doc. when we got to actually see him, he is great. unfortunately... that was rare... and the person that we were seeing was just not doing what she should have been doing. no other way to state it. bad medicine is bad medicine. i made sure the office knew what i had discovered. what bothers me still, is that they just don't really seem to care. new doc spent over an hour interviewing us. grilling out medical history. i did not know that the former office did not send all the records they were supposed too. good thing most all the tests were done at st luke's, and that i have kept notes and records myself on just about everything. we both really like the new man we were pointed toward. it does pay to ask a doc you trust who they would use for a family member... cause that is how we found this guy. no rushing, no pressure. and he was totally honest. told us exactly what to expect of him. how his practice worked. feeling secure with that. and i finally called to old office and told them they were fired officially. felt good. a lot of folks don't think of it that way, but in reality, the doc is YOUR employee.... without you, and other's like you... he is broke... and it is a choice that we make....
have a form that i have to fill out as part of the va claim. i struggled with what i was going to write, and how. it is for the portion of the claim that we had not even discussed filling, related to the PTSD. then i realized, i have already wrote it. i am going to print off excerpts from this blog. it is from the heart... and i can't get any more real that what i write here...
the veterans assistance agency from here in washington county told us we had to supply as much info as possible on what group virg was with. i had the info from the discharge papers, but that just states 458 transportation. did not take long talking to him to figure out where i needed to go... the pictures.... found that he worked aboard a ship called Y-67. Big floating bomb would have been a more accurate description. 12000 gallons of jet fuel in the hold... THAT is a bomb..... bringing the pics out was a not good very bad evil rotten night. he can't see them without crying. last night he had the terror visit. i know that the tv show "vietman" is coming up and will be for 3 days. it is pure poison to him... yet he can't turn away....
we talked a little in the car today. i actually gently probed in the daylight for him to tell me about the kid that he saw in the road for so long that no one helped. i have NEVER probed before. i was not sure how he would react. he shared that he was at a bar. stated that he saw a truck literally hit the kid so hard that it looked like someone literally just sliced off the top of the kids head. i had to ask him to repeat himself, cause i was totally confused. he was being quiet, and i thought he said the truck hit the kid, then someone cut off the top of his head. nope... that is just what it looked like... a machete cut. i asked myself silently how many teenagers know what a machete cut looks like. the truck did not stop, and as a soldier, he knew that kid was dead. period. what really bothered him was people just walked right past this young person. Virgil guessed him to be about 12 to 14. 45 minutes he states. then a kid jumped onto the bike, and took it. only then did people go near the kid. and that is because Virg and his buddies had had enough when they saw the kid's bike taken, and no one doing anything for the kid. they stopped traffic. they were going to move the kid. and then people noticed. insane. i cannot imagine seeing that today... much less, seeing it as a drunk 19 year old soldier.
i ask myself how many other terrors are hidden in his head that he never talks off. i know small bits and pieces from what he says in the night. i wish i could find that teen, and wrap him in a soft blanket and just hold him. to let him know that not all the world is that way. i know the man knows it. the teen is still crying.
we did go to see the urologist. he told us the growth was a cyst after he did a ultrasound in the office. said that it could not be causing the blood to be showing up. straight up told virg that years of smoking and vietnam both put him at high risk for bladder cancer, and frequently the only sign is unexplained blood in the urine. we go back on the 16th of this month, and he is doing a procedure in the office that will give us the answer. another game of waiting. i should be pro at this by now. i will never get used to it. the more time between, the more he worries. the more he worries, the more nightmares come. ugly cycle.
we have been back to the cardiologist after having the repeat muga. informed that the heart, with the new therapies that are being done have increased the heart output to just above the "auto level for a defib"... someone upstairs is liking us right now... i have a feeling his mama is chewing on the Greater Power's ear... and i am feeling sorry for the Greater Power... cause she normally got her way. he is thrilled, cause he was agreeing to it for me... i did not know that till they said he did not need it now. he admitted he really does not want it. i will never force him to do something that he does not want. they doubled up on another drug, digoxin. he thinks i am being a major worrywart cause i am making him take his pulse every time again before he takes it. there are so many times i wish i did not know what i know. main action of slowing and strengthening can quickly flip into wayyyyyyy too slow.... so he is humoring me. once we pull another dig level blood work in 2 more weeks, and i don't see changes, i will relax.
we did go to see the new pulmonologist today. sad to have to walk away from the last doc. when we got to actually see him, he is great. unfortunately... that was rare... and the person that we were seeing was just not doing what she should have been doing. no other way to state it. bad medicine is bad medicine. i made sure the office knew what i had discovered. what bothers me still, is that they just don't really seem to care. new doc spent over an hour interviewing us. grilling out medical history. i did not know that the former office did not send all the records they were supposed too. good thing most all the tests were done at st luke's, and that i have kept notes and records myself on just about everything. we both really like the new man we were pointed toward. it does pay to ask a doc you trust who they would use for a family member... cause that is how we found this guy. no rushing, no pressure. and he was totally honest. told us exactly what to expect of him. how his practice worked. feeling secure with that. and i finally called to old office and told them they were fired officially. felt good. a lot of folks don't think of it that way, but in reality, the doc is YOUR employee.... without you, and other's like you... he is broke... and it is a choice that we make....
have a form that i have to fill out as part of the va claim. i struggled with what i was going to write, and how. it is for the portion of the claim that we had not even discussed filling, related to the PTSD. then i realized, i have already wrote it. i am going to print off excerpts from this blog. it is from the heart... and i can't get any more real that what i write here...
the veterans assistance agency from here in washington county told us we had to supply as much info as possible on what group virg was with. i had the info from the discharge papers, but that just states 458 transportation. did not take long talking to him to figure out where i needed to go... the pictures.... found that he worked aboard a ship called Y-67. Big floating bomb would have been a more accurate description. 12000 gallons of jet fuel in the hold... THAT is a bomb..... bringing the pics out was a not good very bad evil rotten night. he can't see them without crying. last night he had the terror visit. i know that the tv show "vietman" is coming up and will be for 3 days. it is pure poison to him... yet he can't turn away....
we talked a little in the car today. i actually gently probed in the daylight for him to tell me about the kid that he saw in the road for so long that no one helped. i have NEVER probed before. i was not sure how he would react. he shared that he was at a bar. stated that he saw a truck literally hit the kid so hard that it looked like someone literally just sliced off the top of the kids head. i had to ask him to repeat himself, cause i was totally confused. he was being quiet, and i thought he said the truck hit the kid, then someone cut off the top of his head. nope... that is just what it looked like... a machete cut. i asked myself silently how many teenagers know what a machete cut looks like. the truck did not stop, and as a soldier, he knew that kid was dead. period. what really bothered him was people just walked right past this young person. Virgil guessed him to be about 12 to 14. 45 minutes he states. then a kid jumped onto the bike, and took it. only then did people go near the kid. and that is because Virg and his buddies had had enough when they saw the kid's bike taken, and no one doing anything for the kid. they stopped traffic. they were going to move the kid. and then people noticed. insane. i cannot imagine seeing that today... much less, seeing it as a drunk 19 year old soldier.
i ask myself how many other terrors are hidden in his head that he never talks off. i know small bits and pieces from what he says in the night. i wish i could find that teen, and wrap him in a soft blanket and just hold him. to let him know that not all the world is that way. i know the man knows it. the teen is still crying.
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